I’m sure you’ve heard me say before how it was always my dream, even as a kid, to be a warrior. I’m sure you’ve heard me say before how that lifestyle has inspired me and guided my steps. And I’m sure you understand how pleased and proud I am to be able to confidently say that I feel like a warrior.
Given all the chaos and stress of the past three months (which has doubled in the past month alone, with this new job situation), it’s no surprise that I’m as exhausted as I am. It’s no surprise that I feel just as weary as if I’ve come out of an epic battle. It’s no surprise that I’m wound tighter than a bowstring and that it’s been so easy for me to cry lately. It’s no surprise and it’s not my fault. I’m handling it as best I can.
The fact that I’m still sane, that I’m still belting out songs in the car and dancing as I make my food, that I’m staying connected with my friends and am meeting new people, that I’m writing and gaming and dreaming–all of that is pretty incredible. I’ve had to ask for help a few times (and have been given so much support by both old friends and new acquaintances), but I’ve made it through time and time again. And even though I’m feeling the ache and discouragement of my hardships, there is a resilience within me that has kept me going. Forged into the toughest steel, it gives me strength.
It is my inner warrior.
I found this quote not that long ago and it really stuck in my head:
Do not speak badly of yourself, for the warrior that is inside you hears your words and is lessened by them. You are strong and you are brave. There is a nobility of spirit within you. Let it grow — you will do well enough.
-David Gemmell, Quest for Lost Heroes
Because even though I’m proud of myself for coping for so long, there have been moments when the frustration and disappointment have caused me to turn on myself. Every time I cry or screw up at work, there’s a temptation to get angry with myself. There’s a temptation to be harshly critical and pick apart my mistakes. There’s a temptation to bully myself into believing that my tears make me weak and hypersensitive. And every time I feel that temptation, I feel my inner warrior losing strength.
That’s when we get into trouble. When even we don’t believe in ourselves, what hope do we have of being successful? How will we have the courage to keep fighting when we don’t deem ourselves capable enough to do so? Why would we fight to protect ourselves, to overcome our trials, if we don’t believe that we are worth fighting for?
There is a warrior within you. Your warrior may not be strong or brave or fearless, but your warrior has potential. And your warrior needs to be nurtured. Don’t let yourself believe that your mistakes make you incompetent; the lesson learned from a failure is worth twice that of a success. Don’t let yourself believe that your tears are an indication of weakness; we cry when we are in pain, and pain is not an easy thing to endure. When your inner warrior falters, believing for a moment that they are not strong enough, you are there to rally their spirits and encourage them to rise to the challenge. You are the one who’s there to support and inspire your inner warrior. You are the one who can make you believe in yourself.
Please don’t forget how important you are. Please be forgiving towards yourself. Please keep believing that you are worth fighting for.
There is a warrior within you, and should you give that warrior a reason to fight, you will be given protection for the rest of your life. While your body may be battered, your soul will be kept safe.
Be kind to yourselves <3
What encouragement would you give your inner warrior?
May the warrior within you never falter, but always find the strength to continue.