Witchcraft: Caramel Covered Pears

These are not my pears. At all. Whatsoever. You’ll know them when you see them.

From the moment I first saw this recipe, I was bursting with excitement to try it out. So I went out shopping with April (remember her? My accomplice for the Styrofoam balls debacle?) and we got all the things we needed to make our own caramel dipped pears at home.

Now, if you want to see how a real pro does it, here’s a link to Martha Stewart’s version. This woman is a goddess. She made caramel from scratch. She whittled her own sticks. I did neither of those things. So if you actually want to make delicious caramel pears, talk to that woman, not me.

Spell Components:

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There isn’t really a proper set-up for this spell, you just kind of throw the ingredients together. But you’re gonna need:

  • pears and/or apples*
  • sturdy sticks
  • caramel squares (unless you want to make your own caramel)
  • chocolate chips (optional)
  • roasted, salted pepitas (optional)
  • sprinkles (not recommended)

*my less adventurous parents wanted apples instead of pears

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Atmosphere:

As always, you should attempt to complete this spell by midnight. The good news is that it’s relatively quick to complete, so you shouldn’t be overly exhausted by the end.

Also, having a partner to help with this spell is recommended. April worked with me on this one.

Execution:

  • First things first: set up a double boiler. For those who don’t know (I didn’t), you wanna use a double boiler for melting things like caramel. You fill one pot halfway with water and set it to boil on the stovetop, and then put another pot about the same size (so it rests on top of the other pot without falling in) on top to actually melt the stuff in. It looks like this.
  • Then you need to unwrap all the caramel squares. Well not all of them. Just enough to fill the pot. I actually bought about twice the amount of caramel squares I needed. Oops. But this step is annoying and sticky and one of the reasons why it’s good to have a partner.

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  • Then make sure the pears/apples are washed, stickers have been removed, and sticks have been inserted. They’re ready to go. Add about four tablespoons of milk to the pot with the caramels and, when the water pot is boiling, put the caramel pot on top.

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  • Then lower the temperature a tad and keep on stirring. If you find the caramel’s a bit too runny, add more squares. When it’s completely melted, take it off the heat and let it cool a bit while stirring.
Blurry photo is blurry.

Blurry photo is blurry.

  • Prepare some sort of tray with parchment paper or anything that can get sticky for you to put the finished pears on. Also, make sure you’ve filled a bowl with the pepitas (which can be substituted with almonds, granola, etc.) that you can roll the bottoms of the pears in.

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  • Then, start dipping. Now, this is the first mistake I made. Martha Stewart says you should use a deep pot for the caramel, but I just used a normal, shallower one. This made it really hard to dip the pears. I ended up having to slather the caramel on with a spoon, which was not much fun. So if you have a deep pot, use it. This is also where your partner comes in handy, as April held the pear while I slathered.
  • Then, after the pear is coated in caramel, carefully roll the bottom in the pepitas. This made it so that the pears wouldn’t stick to the parchment paper. Theoretically. Repeat these two steps until you have as many pears as you want.

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  • At this point, we thought that the pears could use a little dressing up, so I threw some chocolate chips in a pot with milk and melted them to use as a drizzle. Well, the drizzle turned into more of a splat and the pears ended up spotted like cows. Oh well.
  • Then April wanted to make her boyfriend’s apple special (we were making one for him as well), so she got some pink star sprinkles and put them in the letter B. She then proceeded to add more sprinkles to all of the pears and apples. Beautiful, no? We were both killing ourselves laughing at how odd-looking they were.
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Nailed it.

April went to bed while I cleaned up (she had to go to school earlier than I did in the morning), and I left the pears to cool in our cold cellar. I went back to check on them an hour later and saw this, which I thought was kind of funny.

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And then the next morning, this.

I don’t even. I don’t.IMG_2679

I laugh about it now, but waking up to see a tray of completely naked pears was like waking up on your birthday suddenly fifty years older with green skin and bad breath and warts and no hair and then finding out your birthday’s been cancelled and you’re stuck like that forever. Sheer horror, that’s what it was. So much horror, I fell to my knees and raised my curled fists and cried out, “Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????!” while lightning flashed behind me.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite that dramatic, but I was not a happy camper! Honestly. This was one spell I actually wanted to work out! Stupid caramel pears. *shakes fist angrily*

Anyways, apparently the caramel all falling off is a common issue since produce these days is usually covered in wax in the grocery stores. Our solution to the issue was to just cut up the fruit and put the caramel and pepitas on top. It tasted delicious and I really enjoyed it, but for all the grief it put me through, I may not be so willing to try this spell again. Ever.

Tips and Tricks:

  1. Don’t do what I did.
  2. Just don’t.
  3. Your children will weep. Your neighbours will scream. Your hair will fall out in fistfuls.
  4. But if you are going to do what I did, at least use a deep pot.
  5. And make sure the fruit has no wax on it.
  6. And maybe put the pears in bowls or on plates in case the caramel does run.
  7. Oh, and use sprinkles sparingly.
  8. But really, just buy a kit from the store. Or better yet, buy a caramel apple already made! Why do you need to make your own?

That’s all for this spell. It was a complete disaster, I’m not gonna lie, but nevertheless, they were fun to make and actually tasted fantastic. If you give it a go, you must send me a picture so I can either post it on the Wall of Heroes or the Wall of People Whose Tears Will Drown the Earth (guess which one I’m on). Good luck.

Happy casting :)

-Alex

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9 thoughts on “Witchcraft: Caramel Covered Pears

  1. *deep, composed breath*

    Oh, gosh. Alex. Literally cannot even tell you how much I laughed at this. Tears in my eyes. Actual tears. I tried to restrain myself, for the trauma of the situation was quite apparent, but alas… I’m so sorry. *consolingly pats back*

    But, TOFFEE APPLES ^^ Such a Bonfire treat. Apart from they aren’t a treat for me, because I don’t like toffee/caramel. At least that means I shouldn’t be tempted to make any for myself, and land myself on the Wall of People Whose Tears Will Drown the Earth ;)

    • Haha ohhhhh I have soooo much fun doing these XD It was a terrible, terrible idea, but at least it gave me a story to tell in the end.

      Aha well, saves you the potential shame then ;) But speaking of bonfire treats, I looove baked apples with cinnamon and brown sugar on them. We make them sometimes when we’re camping and they’re the best for warming you up :D

      • Haha, I can imagine! Though, I am almost certain you cannot possibly have as much fun as I do reading about it all ;) I was full on howling/laughing at this one. The woe of seeing that the caramel had fallen off. Tragic. Truly tragic.

        Ahh yes, baked apples. One of my mother’s favourites, they are! Again, I hate them. Haha, I don’t like autumnal treats!! I loathe spices – especially cinnamon. Ugh, and when I was in America this time last year and there was ‘pumpkin spice’ everything/everywhere. Needless to say, I was not a fan ;) Maybe it’s because, traditionally, British food isn’t actually spiced… and that’s engrained deep in my genetic code somewhere. Let’s go with that. It’s more stodge than spice.

        We always used to have baked potatoes on Bonfire Night <3 Classic. They too are very hearty :)

        • Aha probably not XD It never ceases to amuse me at how truly pathetic those poor pears and apples looked… like they’d just given up.

          Haha, yes, the pumpkin spice craze! The campus library has a coffee shop in it and the smell of pumpkin spice everything just flooded the whole space for the entire month of October. I can see how that would not be fun for someone whose genetic code rejects it :P

          But potatooooooooes! They are delicious.

  2. Pingback: The Good, the Bad, and the Doubtful | Valourbörn

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