Valourbörn’s Got Villains: Davy Jones

VALOURBÖRN’S GOT VILLAINS

*cue cheesy game show music*

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, baddies and ne’er-do-wells, to the second installment of VALOURBÖRN’S GOT VILLAINS!

In this round, we’re taking a look at the infamous Davy Jones, devil of the seas!

Wait, wrong Davy Jones… just a second…

There! That’s the old devil.

Frightening Features:

  1. Slimy Beard: some villains gain their reputation not by being strongest or scariest, but by being most repulsive. Jones is doing it right by having the nastiest beard possible–one made of pure, slimy tentacles.
  2. Crushing Claw: when you’ve got tentacles for a beard, what better thing to pair it with than a big ol’ claw for a hand? Not only does it make you look like a horrible monster and prevent people from trying to shake your hand, but it can also serve as a weapon if you’re in a pinch. Get it, pinch?
  3. Jarringly Human Eyes: when you look like a monster, people expect every part of you to look like a monster. But Davy Jones challenges that with his terrifyingly human gaze that unsettles even the bravest of pirates. Nothing is more blood-chilling than the knowledge that this “monster” is really a human who’s been warped and twisted to look like a monster.
  4. Nasty Cronies: Davy Jones isn’t the only monster around, either. He’s got good company about him. His whole crew has been cursed to turn into sea-themed abominations to instill the maximum possible repulsion into his foes.
  5. Crusty Old Hat: but what’s worse than having flesh like a monster? Dressing like one too. Seriously, bad fashion sense is terrifying, and Jones really proves this with his disgusting hat. If he ever went toe-to-toe with a fashion guru, the guru would die from shock and horror.

Tragic Past:

Davy Jones’s tragic past is one of broken love. After he was stood up on a date he waited ten years for, he was in so much emotional agony, he cut out his own broken heart and locked it in a box. If that isn’t the sign of a man turned to evil, I don’t know what is.

Evil in Action:

Now let’s take a look at some of Jones’s work in action…

Wow, what a talent! Who else can brag that they can play the organ with their beard? And what a spot-on song choice, too. Jones is clearly the best of the best.

So now, let’s hear the audience’s opinion!

 This is how voting works: you can vote as many times as you like for your favourite Davy Jones feature. Then, on November 1st, the results of the voting will be unveiled with a super sneaky project I have planned.

ALSO! If there’s a certain villain you’d like to see featured in the upcoming presentations, tell me the name in the comments!

Happy Villain Awareness Month!

-Alex

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4 thoughts on “Valourbörn’s Got Villains: Davy Jones

  1. YES! I’m so glad you did Davy Jones. I love him (as much as it is humanly possible to love a baddie, of course ;) ). Though, when you say ‘stood up for a date’, that makes his whole story sound hilariously pathetic. There there, Davy Jones *pats shoulder*

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