Happy October 4th!
So something I wanted to do last October was post my attempts at “spells”. I don’t mean real spells though, I mean recipes, which to me are so mystifying, they might as well be magic. This year I’m going to actually try/post some of them and this is the first: pumpkin spice oatmeal cookies.
The link to the actual recipe I used that will actually teach you how to make the cookies is here. Everything in this post is gonna be silly commentary, I’ll warn you now.
First things first: here’s a list of all the ingredients you need to complete this spell.
- oats (not instant, rolled)
- baking powder
- unsalted butter (or margarine, which is what I used)
- brown sugar
- white sugar
- large egg
- vanilla extract
- pumpkin puree (NOT pie filling)
(For the optional glaze:)
- icing sugar
- maple syrup
The atmosphere of any spell is very important, as it influences the power and effects of the spell. These are my atmospheric recommendations.
- Be sure that you’re working after the sun has set. Stars and moon in the sky is a bonus. Midnight is even better, but around 10:00 works fine too. The spell is twice as effective if done after a member of the household utters the words: “I’m going to bed now.”
- Music that makes you want to do weird dance moves greatly improves the spell-casting experience. It can be played through headphones (recommended at night). The awful dancing helps keep away evil spirits.
- Having a familiar nearby helps channel more energy. The familiar should try to help, even if he/she just ends up being in the way. Extra points if the familiar is cute. Extra extra points if the familiar is a cat. (Watch out for stray hairs!)
I’m not talking about murder, I’m talking actually performing the spell. This is my totally professional method.
- Throw the first several dry ingredients together in a bowl.
- Then mix it all together to beat out the lumps. At this point, it is crucial that you remember to leave an offering for the gremlins that live in the cupboards.
- Put that bowl aside and combine the butter/margarine with the sugars in another bowl. Offerings for the gremlins that live under the cupboards are also appreciated.
- Now crack open your can of pumpkins! Only pure pumpkin will do if you want to maintain maximum magical power.
- Then you need to carefully combine all the ingredients together while mixing it with your magical beater. You’re supposed to do this slowly but I discovered no ill effects if you rush and add them all at once. (It is perfectly normal for the dough to look like vomit at this point.)
- Then you must put them on a baking tray. The spell recommends measuring cookie size. I did not do this. The cookies should look like little piles of poo.
- Now bake them in the oven! And wait. For about 24 minutes. This is a very magical amount of time because, of course, on a 24 hour clock, midnight is the twenty-fourth hour!
- Make sure to take them out the second they look done. Spells can go from being perfect to a charred, flaming wreck in a matter of seconds.
- Now, onto the glaze. This is the most difficult part of the spell. You’re just supposed to combine all the ingredients together and end up with a beautiful glaze, but my glaze was far too runny. Perhaps it was because I used nonfat milk when it very clearly said not to, but whatever the case, I kept adding icing sugar to thicken it up and then it started tasting weird. If I were to do this spell again, I would toss the glaze.
- But I managed to complete the cookies three hours later (I am the world’s slowest witch, the spell shouldn’t actually take that long) and they turned out good, so yay!
Tips and Tricks:
Follow these easy tips and you’ll be spellcasting like a pro in no time, guaranteed!
- Wash your hands before baking. You need to clean away all the mortal grime you’ve touched throughout the day.
- When it comes to measurements, the measuring cups are just accessories to make you look like you know what you’re doing. They need not actually be used.
- To improve the power of the spell, try saying these magical incantations a few times:
- “Ehhhhh, that looks good enough.”
- “Yeah whatever, it’ll be fine.”
- “Oops”, “crap!” or another variant.
- In the end, the taste is all that matters. Leave the presentation and aesthetics to the five star restaurants.
Overall, I enjoyed this spell and would recommend it as a nice fall snack. I’d bypass the glaze unless you actually know how to make a good glaze, or maybe if you have milk in your house that isn’t nonfat. So yeah, give it a whirl and tell me what you think!
Happy casting ;)