All Spiders Are Evil.

Everyone has their own definition of what makes someone evil, whether it’s something they do or what they say or how they act. For me, if you’re a spider, you’re evil.

I mean, please–who needs eight legs, and more than two eyes, and the ability to shoot silk out of your butt? Nobody needs to be that creepy. Nobody.

Spiders do plenty of evil things. They hide in grapes and bananas, in dusty corners, in beds, under couches, on kitchen counters, in bushes. They rappel down from the ceiling and onto your head like nasty ninjas, build webs across paths and doorways so you can walk your face right into them, and appear and disappear with lightning speed. And they stare at you with their beady eyes–looking into those gleaming evil eyes is like looking into the eyes of the Devil himself. *shivers*

I hate spiders, loathe them, revile them, despise, detest, and abhor them. They are blights upon the world, little (or big–eugh) villains wreaking their evil havoc on society with no sense of mercy or decency. But, as they apparently are an important part of the ecosystem, I generously tolerate their existence SO LONG AS they do not intrude on my house or my person.

But they really are evil. I mean, look at all the famous examples.

Shelob, Lord of the Rings

She tried to kill Sam and Frodo. Bad spider, bad!

The Spiders of Mirkwood, The Hobbit 
They tried to eat Martin Freeman. Bad spiders, bad! (Tolkien must’ve hated spiders too.)

Aragog, Harry Potter

Okay, so he wasn’t 100% evil, but he did let his spiderlings try to eat Harry and Ron, which sounds pretty bad to me.

And, you know, countless horror movies

So as you can see, spiders are obviously evil, and the bigger they are, the more evil they are.

Except, well…

I kind of think jumping spiders aren’t all that bad.

I mean, they’re funny little things to watch. They don’t scuttle and crawl like nasty regular spiders, but they, you know, jump. That’s kind of cute. And they’re so spunky! If you put your finger near them, they crouch into a fighting position and waggle their butts around. And I mean, look at these guys!

(watch about the first 40 seconds)

(watch the first minute or so)

They’re adorable! They have these spiky hairdos sticking straight up, and their eyes look almost normal, and they have these cute frowny mouths with moustaches, and did you see the first one clean its face with its little arm-y, leg-y thingies? How sweet!

So most spiders are evil. But even as much as I wish to destroy every living spider in a fit of burning rage, I can’t deny that there are some spiders who aren’t that bad. I wouldn’t necessarily want them on me or loose in my house, but I wouldn’t mind having them around, you know?

It just goes to show, doesn’t it?, that as much as you want to say something’s evil, that isn’t always the case…

Just something to think about ;)

What silly thing do you think is evil?

May you never need face the terrifying prospect of a spider in your bed.



4 thoughts on “All Spiders Are Evil.

  1. This post though. Beyond words. Haha!

    Who would have thought a spider could be cute?! Those jumping spiders so have little beards and moustaches! I would still run a mile if I saw one scuttling along my floor, though. Spiders are spiders, after all. But I very much like the point of this post :P

    ‘What silly thing do you think is evil?’ ? CUCUMBERS, ALEX, OBVIOUSLY.

    You know, the blocreca in the Ilimoskus world were very much inspired by spiders. And you know spiders shoot webs out their butts? Blocreca ooze blood sometimes. What vile little things they are. They are quite easily the worst creatures in their world for creepiness and general hatred.

    • Hehe, glad you enjoyed it :P

      I agree! Who knew spiders could have facial hair? Ah yeah, in the house is not that fun but there are worse spiders to have, if you have to have any at all!

      Hahaha, how did I know you were going to say that? XD

      Ooh, the blocreca are yucky creatures :S The way you describe them with their eyes always peering out of bushes creeps me out too. I can certainly see how they were inspired by spiders!

      • Haha, loving the fact there are spiders out there who have facial hair. The world needs more creatures with facial hair.

        Ha, they are yucky, and creepy, and ew. However, writing them into scenes nearly always makes me smile because of everyone’s reactions towards them. Such a laugh writing it, it really is. Besides, they’re not real, so we can laugh away ;) If they WERE real, well… that would be a different story :|

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