They have the ideas, the ambitions, and the desire to make it happen, but they’re lacking just one thing: the evil factor. They mean well, in that they mean to be mean, but there’s just one little personality flaw that makes them absolute rubbish at being evil.
These villains are Hopelessly Incompetent.
Doofenshmirtz (Phineas and Ferb)
Wh-what? I’m on the incompetence list? This is obviously a mistake. If you saw some of the -inators I’ve created, you’d know just how competent I am.
I mean, I come up with good ideas! I have a new evil scheme every day–not a lot of bad guys can say that. And I’m a genius inventor, too! Everything I make, I have to make from scratch. That’s hard!
My shcemes could work, if it wasn’t for Perry the Platypus. He’s always pushing the self-destruct buttons–but if it wasn’t for him, all my schemes would work! They’re good schemes!
Well, of course, there was that one time I built that robot army… “I hid the self-destruct buttons on the bottoms of their feet, so nobody could reach them”… Hehe, it was a learning experience.
Oh, and then there was that embarrassing viral video that got spread around the internet… With the underwear, and the toilet, and the flushing. Heh, yeah… That was humiliating.
But other than that, I’m a perfectly competent villain! You just wait till I defeat Perry the Platypus! Then I’ll show you who’s incompetent!
The Sanderson Sisters (Hocus Pocus)
We are completely competent witches! How many other dead witches have managed to bring themselves back to life?
So we were tricked a few times, like when we believed that the sprinkler system was powerful magic, or that car headlights were sunlight instead, but we’d been dead for 300 years! We were doing well!
And you can’t possibly criticize us for the vacuum cleaner incident. That wasn’t foolishness, that was ingenuity! Resourcefulness!
We could have destroyed those children if we wanted to, but we didn’t. So we let them live. It was just a minor setback that they stopped our evil plan.
But we’ll be back, and then you’ll see just how competent the Sanderson Sisters truly are!
Mad King Thorn (Guild Wars)
People suffered when I was king! People died, starved, screamed, and cried–I was an exceptional villain! How can you possibly call me incompetent?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an invisible pet pony named Gum Drops! And there’s nothing wrong with liking to tell jokes and make people laugh. Ah, and see–I’ve been informed that my jokes aren’t that good, so isn’t that a kind of torture? I’m perfectly competent at being evil!
I even had a song made about me. It wasn’t a very good song, but it still counts for something!
Just because I choose to tell jokes and hand out candy when I return to the world of the living every year, doesn’t mean that I’m incompetent. I’m just competent in a different way–I’m perfectly capable of throwing a wicked party, for example! Everyone shows up, you know. They love it.
So don’t call me incompetent, or else no candy for you!
These poor saps. They try so hard to be good at being bad, but there’s really no hope for them. When it comes to evil, you either got it or you don’t. It’s nothing worth getting upset about, and besides–it provides for some great comedy whenever you need a pick-me-up. So three cheers to the ones who just aren’t any good!
Please note, with this round and with all others, that there are going to be some villains in the showdowns that I’m not very familiar with. I’m not an expert, so if you know something that I didn’t include, feel free to share in the comments!
Now then–onto the voting! Here’s how it’ll work:
- Voting will be open for all rounds until 3:00 PM EDT on Saturday October 26th. (here’s a time zone converter if you need it)
- You can vote as many times as you’d like between then and now, for as many villains as you’d like. Show your support and bring some friends!
- Feel free to comment on your choice and try to win votes for your favourite baddie.
- Don’t recognize the villains in this round? No problem–feel free to vote for the coolest picture or best description. Just have fun with it!
So get casting your votes and may the best villain win!