Villain Showdown: Brilliance Among the Brainless

Most villains consider evil to be a serious business. For many, it is more than just a hobby–it’s a career, a lifestyle. These villains don’t fool around when it comes to being bad. They take pride in all the wrong they do and have the potential to make it all the way to the top–the top of the world, that is. If only they didn’t have to deal with their pathetic partners in crime…

These villains are Brilliance Among the Brainless.

***

Scar (The Lion King)

You have no idea how tough my life has been. I was the younger, weaker brother of the king Mufasa–the favourite of our father. I was given nothing, not even love, and I was forced to fight for my rightful place on the throne when Simba came around. I was forced to murder my own, dear brother, and I would have succeeded in killing Simba, too, if it wasn’t for the hyenas.

How hard is it to kill a helpless cub? I couldn’t have made it any easier for them! But they were too foolish, too incompetent, to even complete such a simple task as that. It never fails to amaze me, how impossibly idiotic those three can be.

Had they done their job right, I would have been king! They would have ruled with me, had power! Simba would never have been a problem. He could have been eliminated for good.

But if you want something done right, I suppose you have to do it yourself.

I could have succeeded, if I hadn’t been surrounded by idiots. Remember that–I was just three hyenas away from being king.

Cronus (Class of the Titans)

Taking over the world should have been easy, for a titan as powerful as myself. I’m the god of time, for crying out loud! I’m Zeus’s father–Zeus, the king of the gods! I should have been able to wave my hand and bang!–the world was mine.

So why wasn’t it that easy? The foolish help I had to rely on.

It is impossible to find competent help nowadays.  I swear–henchmen were much more intelligent before I was imprisoned in Tartarus!

I don’t understand how I can send a pack of giants after a gang of teenagers and the giants are the ones who lose. They’re kids! Obnoxious kids! Even I was able to kill one or two of them temporarily, but yet a bunch of giants couldn’t even manage to capture them? Agh, the insolence I have to put up with.

But mark my words: once I get some competent help, I will take over the world, and you will bow down to me!

Shego (Kim Possible)

Can you believe that I’m the sidekick? Me! I’m the one who does all the hard work, fighting Kim Possible day in and day out. And I’m the one who has to steal everything that Drakken–my so-called “boss”–needs for his latest stupid scheme.

Seriously–when was the last time any of his plans actually worked? Never!

And when his plan doesn’t work–because we all know it won’t–I’m the one who has to listen to him whine about it. As if I care!

He’s a useless villain. If he would just listen to me for more than ten seconds, we’d both be ruling the world right now. Although if I was ruling the world, the first thing I would do is raise the average IQ by getting rid of him. It would do the whole world a favour.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

***

How hard it must be, being a capable villain who is constantly hindered by the low intelligence of his lackeys. I pity these villains, I really do. They have the potential to do so much, to be such fantastic evil rulers, but yet they can never succeed–and all because of the company they keep.

Please note, with this round and with all others, that there are going to be some villains in the showdowns that I’m not very familiar with. I’m not an expert, so if you know something that I didn’t include, feel free to share in the comments!

Now then–onto the voting! Here’s how it’ll work:

  • Voting will be open for all rounds until 3:00 PM EDT on Saturday October 26th. (here’s a time zone converter if you need it)
  • You can vote as many times as you’d like between then and now, for as many villains as you’d like. Show your support and bring some friends!
  • Feel free to comment on your choice and try to win votes for your favourite baddie.
  • Don’t recognize the villains in this round? No problem–feel free to vote for the coolest picture or best description. Just have fun with it!

So get casting your votes and may the best villain win!

-Alex

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